There seems to be this huge perception around pregnancy that it’s an amazing time, where you’ll feel absolutely fantastic and be on top of the world, looking great and waiting your baby’s impending arrival with very little strife or worry. But what if that’s not the case? I’m not talking about the times when tragically there is something really wrong health-wise with mom and/or baby – and this post isn’t intended to upset anyone for whom that’s the case (or anyone still trying to get pregnant) – I just mean when you generally feel crap.
I’m going to put it out there, even though it may attract some criticism, even though I feel like it’s not PC to do so: I’m not really enjoying being pregnant. I’m just under halfway through at the time of writing this post and I really was expecting to be ‘blooming’ by now. But I actually feel worse in myself than I did at the start despite not puking anymore. I’m not relishing being pregnant and I’d be surprised if I felt sad once the baby’s born that I’m not expecting anymore, which is something I’ve heard other mothers say.
I still absolutely love my baby to bits already and feel sure that will only grow as my bump does, I would do anything to protect him/her and I am so hugely grateful to be having a relatively straightforward pregnancy and to get the chance to bring a new life into the world. It’s a very privileged thing to be able to do, not everyone gets to do it and certainly not everyone gets to this stage with the relative ease we have.
But I still can’t help feel grumpy about the whole thing. My thoughts about the way I look and the way I feel are completely separate from my feelings towards the baby – so despite wanting to be positive and wanting to focus solely on how amazing this experience is, I have found myself bemoaning how exhausted and uncomfortable I’ve felt. I have found myself having a moan in the middle of the night getting up for the fifth wee since I went to bed, or trying to get comfy after what feels like hours of tossing and turning. It seems like the 19 weeks of my pregnancy have gone so slowly so despite being nearly halfway I can’t quite see the end of the tunnel yet.
I know I’m only going to get bigger and more uncomfortable, I know I’ll only get more tired, I know the tiredness situation will definitely not improve once the baby’s here (hopefully the getting bigger thing will reverse!). Yes, I am a grumpy mommy. I want baby to stay inside me until 40 weeks, of course I do, but equally if there was an ‘evening’ off option, I’d go for it! Like a foetus babysitter – any offers?
Harriet and bump x