Baby On Board The Plane

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Last week we took the plunge into a whole new parenting experience. We figured we’d done pretty okay in keeping our small thing alive for a year and a bit at home, we’d ventured to Wales and Scotland fairly unscathed. Now it was time to test out our parenting skills by sitting in a box full of hundreds of other people for hours on end and adding dangers like sun stroke, overdosing on Magnums and cockroaches into the equation. Yes we set off on our first holiday as a family. We’ve all come back alive with our limbs intact and actually had a rather nice time. But I have learned a few facts on the way which I’d like to share with you now.

Things that will happen when you take a one year old on holiday:

– You will spend every waking second fearful your baby will be burned to a crisp instantly the second they walk outside, no matter how many layers of factor 50 you’ve applied.
– Because of your deep concern for baby’s skin, you will apply sun cream to yourself approximately zero times.
– Despite this you won’t actually get burned because you will never step anywhere near a sun lounger. You will be the odd one out on the plane home as you sit there with milk bottle legs among those who resemble varnished furniture.
– The absence of ironing, work and various other distractions means you might read more than a paragraph of a book that isn’t Dear Zoo or Guess How Much I Love You (I read a whole two and a half books, none of which had a single picture or ‘lift the flap’ page. Incredible!)
– You’re not any less pissed off about the screaming kid on the plane when it’s your own. Only difference is you have to battle to calm them down for FOUR AND A HALF HOURS instead of just tutting and turning your headphones up as you would if it belonged to someone else.
– Your child will push past exhaustion levels previously unknown to man to stay awake for 4 hours and 20 minutes of your 4hr 30mins flight before eventually falling asleep ten minutes before you arrive at your destination.
– When your child gets swept to the shore by a rogue wave, you will panic, potentially scream, cry, rush to their aide. They will simply blink a couple of times and wonder why there’s so much sand in their nostrils.
– Wipes are €2.25 (or at least they were at the local shop which we had to use after forgetting to buy them at the supermarket). €2.25. You could purchase Aldi’s entire stock of wipes for that.
– If you’ve got a pushchair with you, you get to go to a special security scanning area and get on the plane first. We’re taking ours with us on every holiday until Alex is at least 15.

Harriet and Alexandra x

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