A nearly-new Turd Maker 1.0 Deluxe, just four months old with one previous owner.
Now comes with a free Projectile Vomit Add-On and the Super Dribble Advanced Edition at no extra cost.
Highly economical, requiring just 180ml fuel five times a day.
Sensitive alarm system which responds to movement, sound, light, heat and someone whispering five streets away on occasion.
Anti-loss protection included, with highly-distinguishable smell meaning you won’t confuse your Turd Maker 1.0 Deluxe with any other on the market.
Switch between modes easily. Modes include Tired Screaming, Hungry Screaming and Being Charming Because Daddy’s Home.
Benefits of being a TM 1.0 D owner: you’ll learn all the latest repetitive tunes after hearing them over, and over, and over again every single day. You’ll become resistant to head butting, scratching and having another human being’s poo and sick on yourself.
T&Cs: no refunds or exchanges allowed. If you’re not happy with your model please suck it up for the next 18 or so years until they become self-sustainable.