They Know


Children, especially small babies, are quite stupid. That much is obvious – they’ve just not been around on this planet long enough to learn how to make sensible decisions. Thus they do things you or I may consider idiotic – repeatedly banging their head against something hard, launching themselves face first off the sofa or bed on to the floor, throwing something and then crying because they want it back.

But actually, babies are also incredibly emotionally smart and that’s why no one (well hardly anyone) leaves their baby in a wicker basket on the steps of a church anymore with a little note asking the vicar to care for them. It’s because they’re super good at guilt-tripping you into liking them even when they’re being little shits (well that and the fact CCTV is everywhere these days, you’d never get away with it!).

They know when you’re just about to pick up your phone and start Googling which boarding schools might consider a 12.5 month old student (hopefully ones that don’t send them home for the holidays). They know when you lying on the floor crying is one of those times when you’ll get back up again in two minutes and act fine for the rest of the day, or when it’s going to be one of those times where you’ve actually had enough and you’re going to lie there sobbing for the whole day so they won’t get fed until dad comes home. They know when you’re eyeing up the car wondering how long it would take you to get to the remote Scottish Highlands, drop the baby off on a mountain summit and drive back on your own in SILENCE.

They know when you’ve absolutely reached the end of your patience (and when you’re just saying it). And that’s when BAM they turn on the charm offensive. Your kid can have been the snottiest, loudest, stroppiest, most annoying, unco-operative little thing in the world for the entire day. But the second your internal emotional dial switches from ‘this is not how I wanted today to go’ to ‘I’m actually leaving home’ they suddenly become an absolutely angel. Then it’s all kisses and cuddles (even though they never give them usually), giggles, coy smiles and maybe even showing off a new skill they’ve used. Within seconds you find yourself apologising to them for your behaviour and promising to be a better mommy in future.

Please tell me this isn’t just my child?

Harriet and Alexandra x

When Did My Baby Become A Teenager?

Driving? Yes driving us potty!

Driving? Yes driving us potty!

When we found out our baby was a little girl, myself and Dylan discussed how feasible locking her in a cupboard under the stairs was from the age of about ten until she was 18 to avoid all the mood swings, strops and other related horrors associated with the teen years. There’s a huge possibility it could turn out okay (anyone read Harry Potter?!)┬ábut we decided against it – and anyway, we’d have nowhere to store our shoes and that carrier bag full of other carrier bags it’s actually compulsory to have in your house.

Either way, we thought we had years yet to come up with a solution to the fact teenagers are, by and large, annoying idiots. It turns out we were wrong.

At the grand old age of 11 months, Alexandra now displays many of the qualities of a teenager. I was speaking to a friend whose little girl is just a few days older than Alex and she’s facing the same problem too which is simultaneously comforting and worrying (is this an epidemic? Should we warn others?)

VERY stroppy when woken up, often refusing to get out of bed until SHE’S ready.
Wilfully ignores you if you ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do.
Continually looks like she hasn’t washed for days.
Wants to wander round in very little clothing most days.
Tries to push bedtime later and later.
Obsessed with phones.
Most of what she says is utter nonsense.
Spends a lot of time looking at herself in mirrors.
Very low concentration levels.
Tantrums. Oh the tantrums.

Send help please!

Harriet and Alexandra x