I’ve said it before, both on this blog and in real life, I can’t believe how hugely lucky we were to conceive our little one relatively quickly. I also can’t believe the rollercoaster of emotions we went through even in that really short space of time. It would be absolutely remiss of me to pretend to know how it feels to try and be unable to conceive, or for it to take absolutely ages, but anyone in that position has my complete and utter good wishes and also respect- it must be hugely challenging. Everywhere you look there are children or pregnant women. Once you get to a certain age or a certain stage in your life (whether that be settled with a partner, married etc) people start asking ‘so when are you going to start trying?’ if you’ve already started trying and it hasn’t happened yet, the frustration of that question must be unbearable.
When we started trying, it felt really quite casual. That’s not to say we hadn’t had many chats before and come to a 100 per cent definite decision we did want to have a child together. And of course we’d both thought about it a lot separately too. But the actual process of ‘well we could start trying now’ was very calm and almost a non-event. I promised myself I would be so laid back about it, I wouldn’t stress, I would focus on other things and if it happened, it happened. If it didn’t, so what, we’d have the wedding first and then after that start researching fertility-boosting methods and what assistance would be possible.
But less than a couple of weeks in, I found myself getting overly focused on it. I felt so aware of myself and every small change in my body. These changes in the first two months when I wasn’t actually pregnant must have been due to coming off contraception, but of course the tiredness and the hormones and the boob ache is all symptomatic of pregnancy so there was this little hope in me that I would be.
Aside from making me worried about how I’ll cope if we decide to have another and it doesn’t happen as easily second time round, the over-thinking and over-worrying I did in those three months between deciding and the positive test did show me one thing – I was much more desperate for a baby than I thought I was! Which is probably a good thing really…!
Harriet and bump x