When you become a mom (or even if you’ve been doing it a long time), people seem to line up to give you all sorts of advice. This applies whether they’ve had ten kids or none. The advice ranges from excellent to downright ridiculous so I thought I’d share a few bits of absolutely terrible advice. If someone tells you these things then feel free to punch them (or, you know, just walk away and not ever listen to anything they say again. Up to you).
Sleep when the baby sleeps:
A fine idea in theory but let’s try something. Right this second I want you to run to your sofa or bed, shut your eyes, immediately drop to sleep and then wake up again in approximately 16 minutes. Even if you did manage to get to sleep in the middle of the day at a time randomly decided by your baby as nap time, you’re hardly going to feel radically different when you wake up to the sound of crying. Also, you just can’t eat when the baby eats, wash your hair when your baby washes their hair or pop a load in the washing machine when the baby does. Apparently these little beings need quite a lot of attention, who knew? So sleeping when they nap might work as an idea but in reality you will have about 67 billion other things to do with your time.
Treasure every moment:
Yeah I’ve spoken about this one before. So unnecessary. (There’s a rant about it here). Also sometimes the baby’s just shat everywhere and then mushed their foot in it and your hand has poo on it and then you accidentally touch your face so EVERYONE has poo on them. You just can’t like every second of your baby’s existence.
Never did me any harm:
This advice usually comes from the older generation. Usually it’s something about leaving your child in a pram outside your shop while you pop in for some groceries, giving them biscuits from six weeks or lying them on their front. This advice is doubly annoying because not only are they invariably telling you to do something the guidelines written by the experts who know about this kind of shit explicitly say is likely to harm your baby, but they also seem to want some kind of medal for keeping their baby alive despite being a dumbass.
Ooh she’s hungry/tired:
The joy that fills me when someone else tells me why my child might be grizzling. Yes I appreciate some of these people might just be trying to help. But it does take quite a lot of restraint for me not to tell them that as I spend my whole entire life with the baby I might just have grasped by now, ten months down the line, what she wants or why she’s crying. The other temptation is to tell them she’s crying because they’re an arsehole.
Enjoy your pregnancy:
Harking back to the bump days here but I did used to laugh when people gave me this ‘advice’. Yeah, I had a super time for just shy of 38 weeks firstly throwing up continually then being TIRED like I never knew could be possible then being fat (really fat) and hormonal and swollen and stretch marked and did I mention fat? I enjoy the fact that my pregnancy led to being Alexandra’s mom but other than that, nope!
Harriet and Alexandra x