You know you own a toddler when:
- You can’t name any of the songs in the charts but hear THAT’S MY TUMMY, TUMMY BEGINS WITH T, T, U, M, M, Y, SPELLS TUMMY at least 50 times a day.
- Everything in your home that isn’t secured down is situated above 1m.
- You haven’t tasted any food properly since they were six months old, as if you eat it too slow they’ll want it too.
- On a similar note, you hide in the bathroom to eat chocolate.
- You used to just have an angry voice, now you have a variety including the ‘stop throwing things now, I really don’t want to have to tidy up again’ voice, the ‘if you break that I will actually sell you on eBay’ voice and the ‘I’ve actually lost my shit now, I’m not talking to you until daddy gets home’ voice.
- You’ve cried more than once because your husband’s stuck in traffic and will be late home.
- Walks now take ten times as long as you have to chase every pigeon, leaf or piece of litter you encounter on the way.
- Everything you own has mucky fingerprints on it.
- You automatically name the colour and shape of everything you pick up, whether the toddler’s with you or not.
Harriet and Alexandra x