The Shoe Saga

Showing off her wellies with daddy.

Showing off her wellies with daddy.

Generally in life, I find buying a pair of shoes to be an easy task. Go into shop, select pair you like, try them on, if they fit purchase them and go home happy. Simple. I’ve now found that purchasing a pair of shoes for a toddler is about 6462157622229856 times more complicated than this and has a lot more steps before a final happy purchase. The tale goes as such:

  1. Go into Clark’s (other retailers also available but let’s face it, it should be the law that you have to go to Clark’s).
  2. Ask nice lady to measure your child’s feet.
  3. Cue child screaming as if nice lady is coming at them with a knife.
  4. After five minutes of crying and squirming, nice lady says she thinks child is a 3.5E.
  5. Nice lady searches and comes back shaking her head, there are no shoes in a 3.5E.
  6. Go to second Clark’s outlet which is slightly bigger to check if they have a 3.5E.
  7. They don’t.
  8. Try third Clark’s outlet in different town, just to be sure.
  9. Nice lady 2 in Clark’s branch 3 asks if she can measure child’s feet.
  10. Nice lady 2 says she’s actually a 4F, which they DID have in original Clark’s branch.
  11. Leave store without even trying on a pair of shoes as child is so worked up it sounds like she’s being murdered.
  12. Return to branch 1 to tell nice lady 3 about the confusion.
  13. Decide to stick at it this time and endure a full on meltdown while nice lady 3 tries not to get kicked in the face as she measures child’s feet.
  14. Nice lady 3 says she’s a 3.5F on one foot and slightly bigger on the other.
  15. Try not to cry.
  16. Nearly kiss nice lady 3 when she suggests they may have some 4Fs that come up small which would be ideal.
  17. Choose between four options.
  18. First option leaves child (who is still screaming) walking on the side of her feet as if she’s modelling those rip-off Uggs which always lean horrendously.
  19. Consider just giving up and leaving child barefoot for life.
  20. Try option two which HALLELUJAH actually fit.
  21. Decide taking shoes off child will be too much hassle, child is still crying.
  22. Purchase shoes, nearly kiss nice lady 3 again when she says they’re half price in the sale.
  23. Stand in store for 40 minutes trying to stop child ripping off shoes/sitting on the floor crying/looking at you like you’ve just thrown away all her teddies.
  24. Let child walk outside in shoes.
  25. Rejoice as crying finally stops.
  26. The next day, endure ten minutes of crying when attempting to put the shoes on.
  27. This reduces to five the following day.
  28. Just two minutes the next day.
  29. FINALLY child accepts shoes being put on very calmly.
  30. Over the next few days, child becomes very attached to shoes and keeps offering them to you in a bid for you to put them on her even when you’re not going out.
  31. Start sleeping soundly at night, relieved the saga is over, until…
  32. Two weeks later have a busy day which involves putting the shoes in child’s rucksack while child wears wellies as it’s wet and muddy outside.
  33. The following day, search entire house four times to locate one missing shoe.
  34. Search both cars.
  35. Return to every single place you visited over the weekend in a bid to track down lost shoe.
  36. No luck. Return to original Clark’s branch praying they have some left in stock.
  37. Success, one 4F pair of pink shoes, still in the sale.
  38. Resolve to check for both shoes approximately once every five minutes in future.
  39. Chalk this one up to a bad mistake.
  40. The next day, receive text from nana ‘just gone to put my boot on and Alexandra’s shoe is in it’.
  41. Realise rather than blaming yourself for not taking better care of your child’s shoes, you should have been pointing the finger of suspicion at her as she’s clearly made good use of the 30 SECONDS she was left unattended in the hallway with nana’s boots.

Harriet and Alexandra x


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